Why am I so nervous when people are watching me?
Have you ever known exactly what you wanted to say, only to completely lose your train of thought when everyone looked at you?
Maybe your heart started racing before a presentation. Maybe your hands became shaky during a meeting. Or perhaps you spent hours preparing for a simple conversation because you were worried about saying the wrong thing.
You may even wonder afterward, “Why does this seem so easy for everyone else but not for me?” The answer isn’t that you’re incapable, unprepared, or lacking confidence.
You could be experiencing something called performance anxiety.
What is performance anxiety?
Performance anxiety is the fear of being negatively evaluated while you’re trying to accomplish something in front of other people. It can happen in obvious performance situations, such as giving a presentation, performing on stage, or taking an exam. But it can also show up in everyday situations where you feel you’re being watched or judged, for example:
- Speaking during a work meeting
- Giving a presentation
- Participating in a group discussion
- Going to a job interview
- Making a phone call
- Meeting new people
- Asking a question in front of others
- Sharing an opinion
For some people, the anxiety is strongest before the event. For others, it peaks during the situation and can continue afterward as they replay the experience in their mind.
Why does being judged feel so threatening?
Caring about what other people think isn’t a flaw. Humans are social beings, so it’s natural to want to make a good impression and avoid rejection. The difficulty arises when your brain starts treating ordinary social evaluation as a significant threat.
Instead of thinking: “I’d like this presentation to go well.”
You may begin thinking: “I have to get this right. They’ll be able to tell I’m nervous.”
Suddenly, the situation isn’t just about giving a presentation. It becomes a test of your competence or your worth. That’s when anxiety can become much more intense.
One of the most frustrating parts of performance anxiety is that the things we do to hide our anxiety can sometimes make us feel even more anxious.
You might:
- Rehearse exactly what you’re going to say
- Monitor your facial expressions or body language
- Avoid eye contact
- Speak as quickly as possible so the situation ends sooner
- Try very hard not to blush, shake, or sweat
- Keep conversations short
- Avoid asking questions
- Avoid situations where you could be evaluated
These behaviours make sense because they are attempts to protect yourself. The problem is that they can keep your attention focused inward, interfering with your actual performance.
Instead of listening to the person you’re speaking with, you may be thinking:
“Do I sound nervous?” OR “Can they tell I’m uncomfortable?”
Your attention becomes focused on monitoring yourself rather than participating in the situation.
Avoidance can make anxiety stronger
Avoiding something that makes you anxious usually feels like a relief. You don’t have to give the presentation. You don’t have to speak up. You don’t have to make the phone call.
For a moment, the anxiety goes away, but your brain may learn something unintended: “I was safe because I avoided it.”
The next time a similar situation comes up, the anxiety can return even stronger. This is one reason why avoiding situations can make performance anxiety increasingly disruptive over time.
How to work in performance anxiety
One of the most effective evidence-based approaches for performance anxiety is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT focuses on the relationship between your thoughts, behaviours, emotions, and experiences. Rather than simply telling yourself to “be confident,” therapy can help you understand the specific patterns that are maintaining your anxiety.
You might begin by identifying the predictions you make about a situation.
For example, an anxious prediction could sound like: “If I make a mistake during my presentation, everyone will think I’m dumb.”
Rather than automatically accepting that prediction as fact, you can learn to examine it. What evidence supports it? What would you say to someone else who made the same mistake?
Treatment may also involve gradually changing behaviours that maintain anxiety and approaching situations you have been avoiding. Over time, these experiences can give you something anxiety often doesn’t have: new evidence.
You may discover that people aren’t paying nearly as much attention to your nervousness as you assumed. You may make a mistake and realize that nothing catastrophic happens. You may speak up in a meeting and discover that your contribution is valuable, even though you felt nervous while making it. These experiences can gradually change the way you think about yourself and your ability to cope.
When should you consider therapy for performance anxiety?
Consider reaching out for support if performance anxiety is causing you to regularly avoid opportunities, interfering with work or school, affecting your relationships, or taking up significant time and mental energy.
You don’t have to wait until anxiety becomes severe before seeking help. Therapy can provide a supportive environment to understand what’s happening and learn practical ways to respond differently.
Take the next step with the Firestone CBT Clinic and learn how to how to overcome performance anxiety
Performance anxiety can feel deeply personal, but you’re not alone and feeling anxious in front of other people doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
With the right treatment working with a qualified therapist at the Firestone CBT Clinic, it is possible to reduce your anxiety, build confidence through experience, and participate more fully in the situations that matter to you.