Couples Therapy
(Gottman Method)
What happens in a couples therapy session?
Couples therapists use a variety of techniques to help you address concerns in your relationship. Your couples therapist start with a thorough assessment of your relationship and each of the members of the couple. In collaboration with the couple, your couples therapist will then determine the goals for treatment. Then they will use research-based interventions to address your specific concerns.
Couples therapy is about learning how to be a better partner. It is not about blaming, criticizing or fault-finding. Couples learn that conflict in a relationship is normal and they learn how to address conflict in a more functional manner that respects each member of the couple.
What to Expect in Couples Therapy
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Why seek couples counselling?
Many of our clients seek out couples therapy to strengthen or improve their communication, improve conflict management, deepen their emotional connection and increase respect, affection and intimacy.
What are some of the topics that couples tackle in therapy?
• How to have a healthy relationship
• How to resolve conflict without yelling or escalation
• How to deepen emotional connection
• How to improve one’s intimate life
• Arguments about money
• Arguments about parenting
• Arguments about in-laws or extended family members
• Handling infidelity
• How to avoid divorce
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Why Gottman Therapy for Couples Therapy?
The Gottman Method of couples therapy is based on Dr. John Gottman’s research that began in the 1970s and continues to this day. The research has focused on what makes relationships succeed or fail. From studying over 3,000 couples to date, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have created a method of therapy that emphasizes a “nuts-and-bolts” approach to improving couples’ relationships. The Gottman Method uses a practical approach to help couples break through barriers to achieve greater understanding, connection, and intimacy in their relationships.
This method is designed to help teach specific tools to deepen friendship in your relationship. To help you productively manage conflicts, you will be given methods to manage “resolvable problems” and dialogue about “gridlocked” (or perpetual) issues. Your therapist will work with you to help you appreciate your relationship’s strengths and to gently navigate through its vulnerabilities. The therapy involves clear, actionable steps that help couples leave each session understanding what to continue to work on outside of sessions.
The Gottman method is designed to support couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientation and cultural sectors.
Choosing the Right Therapist for Your Relationship
An effective therapist will be well-trained, experienced, compassionate and have excellent interpersonal skills. Our clinical psychologist, Dr. Emily Massey, is all these things and more. She is a highly sought-after couples therapist in Ottawa and across Ontario. Dr. Massey blends the Firestone Clinic’s CBT approach with the Gottman Method, as well as Emotion-Focused therapy (EFT). Through thoughtful integration of these methods, Dr. Massey helps her clients develop a deeper understanding of each other’s desires while simultaneously teaching skills for building and maintaining intimacy, managing conflict, and pursuing shared and individual dreams. Dr. Massey is the only psychologist in Ottawa with Level 3 training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy. Combined with her extensive experience as a CBT psychologist, Dr. Massey provides a unique service for couples in Ottawa.
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Does couples counselling work?
Research studies have demonstrated that the Gottman method is highly effective. The findings suggest that Gottman relationship counselling improved marital relationships by helping develop problem-solving skills, become more flexible in their relationships and develop more emotional stability. The Gottman approach has also been shown to increase couples’ intimacy and joy.
Do both partners need to be willing?
Both partners will need to be willing to participate for an effective course of treatment. The Gottman method tends to be rigorous and your therapist will ask that you to continue to practice the skills you learn in therapy outside of your sessions. The Gottman method is not recommended for couples where domestic violence is present. This issue should be handled by someone who has expertise with domestic violence, a shelter, or the police.
Gottman couples therapy generally involves between six and twelve sessions, although can vary depending on the specific challenges of the couple.